Heart-Rend
by rookashwing
Summary: Analea Amell is a human mage who is days away from her Harrowing. One-shot featuring F!Warden and her friend Jowan as they are studying.


**So if you dig Dragon Age: Origins, this little one-shot is about Analea Amell, a human mage. I suppose if I get enough interest I'll consider writing more about her. She's one of those curious, friendly types with a streak of naivety. **

* * *

"So… uh…" Cullen reaches behind and rubs his neck, his eyes dart away for a moment but then look back into mine. "How're the studies coming along?" Then he shook his head, "That was a stupid question, wasn't it?"

Shifting a large book underneath my arm, I balance it on my hip. Biting my bottom lip, I can feel my heart beat a little faster. "Oh, well, you know," tucking a strand of silver hair behind my ear, my nervous grin breaks through. "It's preparation for the Harrowing so I've spent many a sleepless night in the book stacks."

Cullen furrows his brow and looks a little concerned at the mention of my test but shakes the idea away. "Good to hear. There was a nervous cough and then, "I, um, your… are those new earrings? They look very fetching on you."

The hand not holding the musty tome involuntarily flew up to gently pinch my earlobe where my new gold earring dangled like a raindrop, tiny gem stones dotting edge. "Yes," a thick blush heats my face and before I can say anything stupid I hear a familiar voice call out from the end of the hall.

"Analea!" Jowan flew down the hall, his long legs taking even longer strides to meet me. He grins but his eyes are glazed over with fatigued. I couldn't remember the last time either of us slept for more than a couple of hours. "Come now! No time for breaks or flirting!"

Both Cullen and I broke our gaze away from one another quickly.

"Jowan!" I whispered as I grabbed his forearm and pulled him aside. Trying not to giggle, I ribbed him, "I didn't think you were _serious_ about following me around for the next three days."

He smirked at me as we strolled back down into the bookstacks. "Your Harrowing is soon upon you; you'll thank me after passing the test."

I rolled my eyes. Jowan was a good friend but the last few days he had been over-whelmingly annoying. _Analea have you brushed up on your healing spells yet?_ _What about your combat magic? Don't forget about your elemental work._

"Don't give me _that_," he laughed, patting me on the back. "An Amell daughter becoming _Tranquil_? Unthinkable."

Both of us sat at the well-worn, wooden table; around us towered books upon books, most of the spines broken and the titles embossed in gold were worn. The only way to read the names now was to look at the indentation where the type set had been pressed into the leather and vellum. My fingers searched for the bookmark at the top of the book, finally catching upon a thicker piece of material than the rest of the pages. I licked my index finger and flipped open a page.

"Come now, Jowan. Don't bring that up," resting my head in my hand, I yawned. "I'm sure my brother and sister are much more impressive."

He reached for a quill and dipped it into a nearby inkwell. In the bookstacks, the only things that belonged to an individual were whatever notes they took and the bookmarks in the pages; everything else laid about, just waiting to be used by someone. We never quibbled about whose quill was whose or silly things like that. Especially not when most of us were busy studying or researching or preparing projects.

There was silence for a moment save for Jowan scratching on a piece of vellum, the nib of his quill lifting up only to begin a new line. My own concentration was buried deep in a paragraph about lyrium processing; First Enchanter Irving insisted that I would be well-served if I prepared myself for lyrium use as well. It was something I wanted to ask Cullen about but knew he probably wouldn't feel comfortable confiding in me what lyrium use felt like.

My mind began to wander to how good-looking Cullen was when Jowan asked, "Do you ever think about what happens if you fail?"

I jumped and felt my face redden thinking that he had read my mind. "Fail? The Harrowing?"

He nodded solemnly and a fresh wash of worry clouded his face. This wasn't the first time he had expressed concern over the possibility of failure. It was becoming a little concerning as of late. I reached over, pausing my reading, and put my hand over his hoping to comfort him. Jowan did his best to force a smile but I could tell that my actions did nothing to soothe him.

"Jowan," my voice lowered to a whisper. "We'll be fine. _You'll _be fine." The words were less for him than they were for me. The idea of becoming Tranquil was…

I couldn't allow myself to think about it. The way the already-Tranquil stared off blankly, their glazed over eyes searching for nothing… the thought caused my stomach to nervously twist itself in knots. Jowan looked up at me and opened his mouth as if to say something.

Before any thought escaped his lips, my least favorite person flopped down beside me and sighed too loudly.

"Elya," I groaned, "Would you mind excusing us?"

Elya Corbeau wasn't known for her tact; she blew a loose strand of dark hair from her face and cocked her mouth at me. "What? Do you two need _privacy_?"

Jowan frowned but I tried again, "Please, just a moment?"

She was more than a little strange; rumors flew around about her but I was never brave enough to ask her anything directly. What was known for certain was that she was from Orlais and obviously had a smattering of Elvish in her.

She groaned, pushing up the sleeves of her dark green robe to her elbows. "Why? So you two can go on and on about what the Harrowing _might _be like?" Elya shrugged. "You either pass or you fail and that's it. No use in crying about whether or not you might be executed. If the Templars want you dead, you'll die."

Jowan's face went a little pale and I strengthened my fingers' grip around his palm. "Don't talk like that," my voice became hushed again. "Leave us be if you're just going to trouble us."

Thoughtlessly, Elya's hand flew to the side and picked out a book at random, opening it up and pretended to read. "_Fine_. I just needed some place to hide from Senior Enchanter Derrin; he's run me ragged this past week. Is it too much to ask for time to sleep?" She mused out loud.

"Oh, look," Jowan muttered. "The Assistant Creationist to a Senior Enchanter complaining. How _novel_."

Elya shot him a look that dripped with malice. "At least _I'm_ part of the Circle already." Tossing her glance back at me, she added, "But as an _Altus_ it's no surprise."

Wincing, I attempted to not catch Jowan's eyes; his status as a Laetan was well-known and it plagued him. Any time Jowan and I spoke about the Harrowing, it came up. The fact his family wasn't already rooted in the Fade burdened him. I would usually combat his worries by assuring him my family wasn't richly steeped in magic either. My eldest sister, Reylana, was the first in our family to even have any talent. Elya wasn't helping but, if the rumors were true, she came from an old family with even older ties to the Fade.

"Elya," I snapped, "Go hide from your master elsewhere. We're already stressed enough as it is."

Her hand slammed the book shut and I thought she was going to hit me with it. "You two can wallow in your suffering then. I've passed _my _Harrowing. Sitting here sobbing about it is going to do you no good." I watched as her dark eyes scanned over my own reading. "Word of advice though, don't waste your time looking over lyrium effects. Passing through the Veil is different for everyone."

And with that, Elya stalked away with her dark green robes skimming the hard stone floor.

Turning my attention back to Jowan, I could tell he was rattled. "Don't listen to her. You know Elya can be worse than the Blight." The joke didn't seem to settle him any further. "Just think about this: by next week both of us will be fully embraced into the Circle and this will be all behind us."

Finally he nodded and gave me, "We've worked for so long, so many years."

Offering him a stronger smile, I finally let go of his hand. "And you just _know_ that Elya's more than likely a Blood Mage," the joke was made lightly but it seemed to shake something quiet in him. I let the observation pass, believing it to be a product of his anxiety. "There's no way someone like _her_ is talent in Creation."

The jest seemed to finally unburden him. "At the very least she should be an Entropist."

Finally, we let the subject rest. As I was scanning back over the passage, Elya's words echoed in my mind. Jowan's worry was only an echo of my own anxiousness, my heart fluttering and my stomach turning.

"Would you mind handing me that codex?" I pointed to a book on glyphs beside him, half-buried in a stack someone else made.

He dutifully pulled it out and slid it to me, wordlessly. Hoping I had a bookmark placed somewhere in it, my hand flipped past several already marked pages before finding my own bookmark. I forcibly cleared my mind, begging it to not think about the challenge ahead of me.


End file.
